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Apr. 1st, 2015 06:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sidewaysOn the one hand Dorian’s romance side-quest kind of bothers me because it involves disregarding his wishes on a personal matter, which sits even more awkwardly when his companion side-quest can already have you deceiving and pressuring him about his family relations for his ‘own good’.
On the other hand, it is…nonetheless an amusingly / painfully good example of the sort of issues he and Lewen would need to navigate in their relationship. Like, theirs is a happy, successful, respectful partnership for the most part – they’re very much friends first, and they have a lot of things in common as young idealistic mages who take considerable pride in their positions. They come from rather different backgrounds, though, and they’re a study in contrasts on a few other matters, and things like Lewen’s compulsive problem-solving can be a bit contentious.
It’s a particularly touchy habit when it comes to Dorian because there’s a lot of insecurity under that arrogant flair and habitual preening. Dorian comes right out and admits, during the side-quest, that the reason he didn’t want the Inquisitor to get involved was that he’s very aware they’re becoming a rather powerful individual and he doesn’t want to be just one more leech looking to benefit from such company. At another point he even refers to himself as being more or less an arm decoration in comparison. Lewen doesn’t regard him thusly at all, of course, but he has so much weight to throw around that he needs to stay conscious of where and how he’s throwing it lest he unintentionally smother Dorian beneath and in doing so feed those fears. It’s not about avoiding jealousy; it’s about treating his partner as an equal, not only because it’s better for their relationship as a whole but because it’s something Dorian genuinely wants.
For his part, Dorian gets to struggle with remembering to articulate his complaints and desires – not that he’s often at a loss for words, lordy no, but he has a bad habit of talking circles around the heart of any issue with real meaning to him. He’ll go on a snippy tirade about the quality of the Skyhold library’s stock before he’ll admit that he was afraid for you; life among the manipulative aristocracy has taught him to couch his truths in witticisms so that they can’t be easily turned against him. Sarcasm and satire might his first line of defence, but in a romantic relationship he needs to be able to put those defences down, not least because Lewen already deals with more than enough dramatic double-speak in his day-to-day Inquisition politicking. As much as it’s important for Lewen not to silence Dorian, it’s equally important for Dorian to learn to cut the waffle, avoid any mind-games, and just communicate.
So there are some downs to go with the ups, but they work it out. They argue, they discuss, they learn. Lewen is guilty of doing the romance side-quest as it’s presented, but he then thinks on it, and considers the issues that were raised, and concedes that, as good as his intentions were, it was inconsiderate to go behind Dorian’s back like that. Meanwhile, Dorian discovers that it is perfectly permissible to grab Lewen’s face in the middle of brainstorming solutions to an idle complaint about a draft and inform him that Maker’s breath they will both survive this incredibly minor inconvenience so please hush a moment and allow him the privilege of harmless whinging.
On the other hand, it is…nonetheless an amusingly / painfully good example of the sort of issues he and Lewen would need to navigate in their relationship. Like, theirs is a happy, successful, respectful partnership for the most part – they’re very much friends first, and they have a lot of things in common as young idealistic mages who take considerable pride in their positions. They come from rather different backgrounds, though, and they’re a study in contrasts on a few other matters, and things like Lewen’s compulsive problem-solving can be a bit contentious.
It’s a particularly touchy habit when it comes to Dorian because there’s a lot of insecurity under that arrogant flair and habitual preening. Dorian comes right out and admits, during the side-quest, that the reason he didn’t want the Inquisitor to get involved was that he’s very aware they’re becoming a rather powerful individual and he doesn’t want to be just one more leech looking to benefit from such company. At another point he even refers to himself as being more or less an arm decoration in comparison. Lewen doesn’t regard him thusly at all, of course, but he has so much weight to throw around that he needs to stay conscious of where and how he’s throwing it lest he unintentionally smother Dorian beneath and in doing so feed those fears. It’s not about avoiding jealousy; it’s about treating his partner as an equal, not only because it’s better for their relationship as a whole but because it’s something Dorian genuinely wants.
For his part, Dorian gets to struggle with remembering to articulate his complaints and desires – not that he’s often at a loss for words, lordy no, but he has a bad habit of talking circles around the heart of any issue with real meaning to him. He’ll go on a snippy tirade about the quality of the Skyhold library’s stock before he’ll admit that he was afraid for you; life among the manipulative aristocracy has taught him to couch his truths in witticisms so that they can’t be easily turned against him. Sarcasm and satire might his first line of defence, but in a romantic relationship he needs to be able to put those defences down, not least because Lewen already deals with more than enough dramatic double-speak in his day-to-day Inquisition politicking. As much as it’s important for Lewen not to silence Dorian, it’s equally important for Dorian to learn to cut the waffle, avoid any mind-games, and just communicate.
So there are some downs to go with the ups, but they work it out. They argue, they discuss, they learn. Lewen is guilty of doing the romance side-quest as it’s presented, but he then thinks on it, and considers the issues that were raised, and concedes that, as good as his intentions were, it was inconsiderate to go behind Dorian’s back like that. Meanwhile, Dorian discovers that it is perfectly permissible to grab Lewen’s face in the middle of brainstorming solutions to an idle complaint about a draft and inform him that Maker’s breath they will both survive this incredibly minor inconvenience so please hush a moment and allow him the privilege of harmless whinging.
