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Jun. 9th, 2020 06:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sidewaysI have been feeling out of sorts in a way that, after a few attempts, I have at last hesitantly diagnosed as "in need of a holiday".
It turns out I am still very good at shaming myself on this front. I had three weeks off in December-January; there was a four-day weekend in April; other co-workers have been working far longer and harder hours - how can I possibly say I need a holiday? I knew this would be a demanding job, is this really all the stamina I have to offer it? O woe. O impostor syndrome. O endless dramatics.
Of course, I also know how the rhetoric goes in reverse: annual leave is there for a reason, the co-workers take time off too, and Dec-Jan was six months ago now. Yes, I knew it was a demanding job; hence, it makes sense that I get worn out. There is no sense in being the martyr nobody asked for.
Perhaps the most convincing sign of strain is the fact I keep having recurring dreams about my brother. In life, we get on superficially, care about each other deeply, and drive each other absolutely stark raving bonkers in every space in between. In my subconscious, this apparently makes him the Avatar of Frustration. It'd be downright funny if I didn't feel a bit guilty about it.
The good news is, it's a holiday I shall get! And with free movement currently allowed within state borders, I'm very much looking forward to going down south to visit the old crew.
Other than that, I've had some good soft lady singer earworms lately.
"Slow Me Down", Emmy Rossum
the noise of the world is getting me caught up
chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
just need to breathe, somebody please - slow me down
Single singer a capella? Reminds me a bit of Imogen Heap.
"Union Stone", PHILDEL
you know even stones change shape with time
willingly they compromise; and the sacrifice is mine
for your eyes
A love song, mostly sweet with just a hint of eerie.
"C'mon Man You're Dead", Sahara Beck
and we thought we knew who we were
then we got our fingers burned just to keep up with you
A little punchier, considerably unhappier, very catchy.
It turns out I am still very good at shaming myself on this front. I had three weeks off in December-January; there was a four-day weekend in April; other co-workers have been working far longer and harder hours - how can I possibly say I need a holiday? I knew this would be a demanding job, is this really all the stamina I have to offer it? O woe. O impostor syndrome. O endless dramatics.
Of course, I also know how the rhetoric goes in reverse: annual leave is there for a reason, the co-workers take time off too, and Dec-Jan was six months ago now. Yes, I knew it was a demanding job; hence, it makes sense that I get worn out. There is no sense in being the martyr nobody asked for.
Perhaps the most convincing sign of strain is the fact I keep having recurring dreams about my brother. In life, we get on superficially, care about each other deeply, and drive each other absolutely stark raving bonkers in every space in between. In my subconscious, this apparently makes him the Avatar of Frustration. It'd be downright funny if I didn't feel a bit guilty about it.
The good news is, it's a holiday I shall get! And with free movement currently allowed within state borders, I'm very much looking forward to going down south to visit the old crew.
Other than that, I've had some good soft lady singer earworms lately.
"Slow Me Down", Emmy Rossum
the noise of the world is getting me caught up
chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
just need to breathe, somebody please - slow me down
Single singer a capella? Reminds me a bit of Imogen Heap.
"Union Stone", PHILDEL
you know even stones change shape with time
willingly they compromise; and the sacrifice is mine
for your eyes
A love song, mostly sweet with just a hint of eerie.
"C'mon Man You're Dead", Sahara Beck
and we thought we knew who we were
then we got our fingers burned just to keep up with you
A little punchier, considerably unhappier, very catchy.
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Date: 2020-06-09 08:10 pm (UTC)