(no subject)

[sideways]

"He heard the first thud before I felt it. I saw it in his face. Then there were two separate jolts in the blood vessel I had my fingers on under her jaw, and then some uneven, jerky little bumps, and then at last, unbelievably, slow, rhythmic, and strengthening, the life-giving ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom of a heart back in business.

Roderick's mouth tightened and twisted as he raised his head, and the cords in his neck stood out with the effort he was putting into not weeping. But the tears ran for all that down his cheeks, and he tried to get rid of them with his fingers.

I pretended not to see, if that was what he wanted. But I knew, Heaven forgive me, that one day I would put that face, that reaction, into a film.

[...]

Conrad, too, seemed temporarily to have run out of 'dear boy's. But I guessed sharply that the blankness in his face as he watched the proceedings was not the result of shock. He was at his business, as I had been at mine, seeing an electrocution in terms of camera angles, atmospheric shadows, impact-making colours. And at what point, I wondered, did making use of other people's agonies become a spiritual sin."

"Smokescreen", Dick Francis

As best I can tell, this passage of work will follow me for the rest of my life, gently shaming me at every turn. Called Out By A Book From The Bloody 1970s, By An Old English Man Who Probably Wrote These Words Because He'd Been There: A Ghost Story.

Comments

[hokuton_punch]

... I came out here to write fanfic with the occasional droplet of emotional realism and I'm feeling so attacked right now.

[notasupervillain]

Why the shame?

[schnikeys]

oh i’ve been called out. (and how recursive, that the text itself is probably an example of that kind of voyeurism.)

[sideways]

Because sometimes, as in the passage above, there are real life moments where it seems a bit selfish or voyeuristic to be thinking about how it can be used. I do it to myself too, of course - in the midst of grief, distantly cataloguing the physiological reactions and possible metaphors - but even if it's just reflex there are times that reflex feels inappropriate.

[sideways]

Dick Francis stalwartly inserted his love of horses into every single one of the 50+ novels he wrote... so almost certainly.

[sideways]

Writers have been the same since forever, apparently.

[notasupervillain]

I dunno, I've always considered that impulse a deeply healthy one. The drive to step outside myself and outside the moment and reflect on it. And then later, the drive to contextualize my own suffering in fiction.

[sideways]

Mm, I'd agree there are elements of healthiness to it! I think many psychologists even recommend that? When feeling overwhelmed, it helps to step back and catalogue things.

But the scenario specifically referenced in the passage - stepping outside someone else's moment, inserting fictional priorities into another's real life, 'making use of other people's agonies' - do you really think there's no ethical boundary there at all? (Genuine question, not smarmy rhetoric.)

[notasupervillain]

So, my concerns:
Are you telling someone else's story in an inappropriate way? Don't be S-Town.
Are you prioritizing your writing over kindness in the moment? Don't be Capote.

I don't think stepping outside pain is bad, and this is one way to do it. And if you're an empathic person, someone else's pain can hurt too.

But if you're hurting people, or just failing to help them, for your writing, that is bad.